“The first natural and lasting human connection is Love and Friendship. Sex comes last.” -Ashok Thakur
I have been asked many times how I make, and keep, amazing, conscious, and beautiful friends despite our disparate ages, cultural backgrounds and life styles. The answer is simple. I am not judgmental. I am trustworthy. People feel very comfortable confiding in me. I always think about what I can contribute to the friendship and do not want anything in return. That doesn’t mean I don’t get anything in return, but that doesn’t take anything away from my friends. It comes naturally. I feel good about when they are joyful, loving, and nurtured. That’s my reward for helping my friends in whatever way they want me to.
A person can grow only so far on their own. I know a lot about how you can achieve anything, and self-love is the greatest thing. I don’t deny that. However sometimes you need the eyes of a close, true friend to tell you how great you are, and show you the mirror so you can see the greatness in yourself. That will get you over plateaus and create the fuel necessary to catapult you into new heights.
So if it is that easy, why do most of us lack real friends?
The reason is that when we meet a man or a women and they fit our definition of hot and sexy, we start planning how we can get in bed with them. That starts our marketing efforts of being non authentic to impress the other person. Now some of us are marketing geniuses and are blessed with fantastic looks. We can create temporary magic but it won’t last long. It is not satisfying.
As a beautiful and young friend told me, “I don’t know what happens to the guys after I have sex with them. They just become ass-holes and seldom call or communicate back.”
Does that mean she is bad in bed? Of course, not! The thing is, they were never friends. She thought they were as she only met their marketing representation.
In fact, there are always signs that they are not driven by friendship, but sex was the motive. But those signs almost, always ignored as we are wired by nature to give priorities to mating to extend our seed.
If you are connected at a friendship level with openness and trust, and if that leads to sex, you will not only have an amazing sex, but it will last for a long time. Now, don’t you want that?
One of my friends, is so deeply in love with her husband after nine years of marriage. Every time I meet them, I see the sparks fly and I can see the love in their eyes, and the fantastic chemistry they share.
I asked her “How do you still have such a romantic, sexual chemistry after being married for so long?”
Her Answer, “We were friends first. We are friends now, and we will be friends always. We share all our vulnerabilities, our fears, our wishes and desires without having the fear of judgement, jealousy or justification. We don’t stop each other from exploring our own path and experiment with anything. We so gladly share those experiences with each other. Friendship is the glue that keep us together and keep the fire burning all the time.”
So if you want long lasting friendship, don’t start with sex. It may or may not lead to sex and that is ok either way.
After all, you can have many sexual partners (one-night stands included) but you can have very few true friend.
When you grow old and your sexual desires start to wane away, the quality of your life will be decided by how many awesome true friends you have, and how much you love unconditionally. You will need more nourishment for your heart than your sexual organs.
So go out and make true friends, spread your love unconditionally! Who knows, one of those individuals may change your life. They may be there with you forever.
It is your intention that will decide the quality of your relationships.
Friendship is a need for your soul, sex is need for your body. They could be infused but not confused.